Unprocessed Shame

Shame is the intense feeling of humiliation and worthlessness that we experience when we believe that we have failed to meet some important standard. Shame is different from guilt, which is the remorseful awareness that we have harmed someone or broken a moral code. Shame is also different from embarrassment, which is the discomfort we experience when our awkwardness or social deficits are exposed.

When we feel ashamed, we believe that we are unworthy of love and respect. We may try to hide our flaws and failures from loved ones or new connections, fearing that they will see us as we see ourselves – as unworthy and inadequate. Or we may lash out in anger and resentment, trying to hurt others before they can hurt us. Shame can be a helpful emotion when it motivates us to change our behavior and make amends for our mistakes. But when we are trapped in a cycle of shame, it can be destructive – leading to isolation, anxiety, and depression.